Time to say goodbye

People sometimes don’t get that lucky to say goodbye, and depending on that situation, things could be devastating. Those few chances that you get to say it are the ones that you have to take advantage of, because those moments are things you’ll never get back. No matter how close you may or may not be with the person you lost, you still lose someone from your life that you had made memories with. Memories that may not seem significant until you realize that the person you shared them with, is not here anymore. You can see the way that person not only impacted your life, but many more around you, and that shows how special that person really was.
It’s been two months since I last had to say goodbye to my grandmother, and that was probably the first time I saw her in like 3 or 4 months. She has been sick for many years, so it’s been hard for my family and me to come see her since we have been so busy, and she has obviously been able to come see us because she’s been sick. With her being sick, it kind of has consumed my grandpa’s life, making him not being able to come see us as often either. But, with the loss of her, it showed the biggest effect on him. He started to get sick and didn’t want to eat, he just wasn’t himself. My dad and my aunt were scared what to do with him, as we didn’t want to lose him as well.
“Should we rotate once every other week or something to make sure he’s getting what he needs after this is all settled?” said my aunt.
“I think it will be alright it each of us come down once a month and check on him, but weekly we keep in touch by calling. ” my dad said in response at the funeral.
“I sure hope so. With as hard as he works, we need to make sure he’s keeping his own health up. “ replied my aunt.
These words were based on the ways my dad and my aunt felt about how my grandpa was acting and feeling after the loss of my grandma, and seeing what was needed to be done. The loss for him was much more tremendous for the rest of us, as he lost the love of his life and the mother to his children, and now we saw him like we have never before, the fact that he will be on his own from now on. You could see the sorrow on his face as our family gathered to celebrate the life of my grandma.
The day of the funeral was a day that I think I will vividly remember for the rest of my life. This was my first great loss in my life and I didn’t know what to expect. The idea of her not being here was just so different. It was time for her to go and all, but we never expected it to be so hard. I haven’t had many new memories with her, but the old ones were now lingering on from the back of my mind.
I remember what happened after, and all the people that knew me, but I didn’t know them. They remember the times when I was little, and I would come down and see my grandma, but now they talk about how much I’ve grown. I remember seeing the tears run down my Dad’s face for the first time that I couldn’t even remember. I remember the weariness and tiredness on my grandpa’s face, as he was staying strong for not only everyone, but for himself, as he knew it was her time to go and she’s in a better place now. He knew with all of this grief, there would be a brand new beginning.
The ending was the hardest part, as we got ready to take her out to the hearse. As a pallbearer, I didn’t know what to expect. This is the first time I ever had to do anything like this, and after hearing everyone speak, it almost felt like I didn’t belong, because of how detached I have been in the recent years. But, my grandpa wanted me to do this because he knew how much of bond my grandma had with my siblings, cousins, and I as we were all her grandchildren. Most of the stories everyone told when they spoke was mostly about how she was born to be a mother, and it showed in her lifetime.
As I stood up from the final words of the pastor speaking there, we were all ready for one last goodbye. It felt as if time slowed down to as if seconds were milliseconds, and every tick of the clock was another hour sitting there, only wondering what I would need to do here soon. The thoughts through my head were just the looks of my grandpa, and how I wish for the pain and suffering to end with him. I look to my brother, my cousins, and my dad as they all grab hold of the casket with me. We turn towards the door, my mind and heart numb with a blank space, sitting inside my brain. I felt as if I had no thoughts or feelings, and my actions were just false beliefs that I just didn’t know what was going on. I take one look back into the chapel as we take a final step out, and all I see is the faces and hearts of all the people my grandma touched, still alive or recently born all the celebrate the last goodbye of her lifetime.